It may be obvious now that I don't hide to much anymore. The only person I protect from knowing of my lifestyle now, is my Mother. Knowing wouldn't change her love for me, but with her old school values, and her concerns for the opinions of others, her knowing would cause her unneeded pain and worry. So I continue to keep it from her. She isn't on the web, nor would she listen to gossip anyone sent, or spoke to her. So her finding out is unlikely. The rest, I could care less, and this attitude developed when I was pushed into having to make a desicion to move 5 years ago. It was back then that I was outed to the condo board that ran the condo complex I was living in. Then my landlord was pushed into trying to evict me. I hired a lawyer and fought to stay, but gave up the fight because that environment became toxic once a few people found out I was an escort. For 15 years of living there I was considered a perfect neighbour and tenant, until they knew of my escorting, then I suddenly wore a scarlet letter.....People wouldn't get on the elvevator with me. They would distance themselves when walking past me as if something was going to jump off of me and onto them....Neigbours who I once spent dinners with and took them to visit their mother in the old age home, would no longer speak to me....etc, etc. So I decided to give up the fight and move.....That fight to stay in my home, back then, taught me alot. So when I went looking for a new place I didn't put enough time into researching the neighbourhood, nor surrounding properities. I suppose it was the state of mind I was in at the time.....I just wanted to get moved and to find a place with a private entrance and which allowed me to house my dog.
I've been at this address for 5 yrs now, and have been fairly comfortable here. Really no major or concerning issues. What's bothered me is that most on my street are uncaring about the state of their properties.They are unkempt and messy looking. The building I'm in is neat and my little area (parking and entrance) is also, I take care in decorating and keeping it tidy, but that isn't enough to distract from the messes that surround me. When I drive onto my street I find it embarrassing. Mind you my apt is lovely and large inside, but again, the messes outside surrounding my building are offputting......My rent is still comfortable, considering the times, and I'm safe and discreet as far as my escorting goes..... so my dilemma is do I stay and just try to ignore the messes, or move and pay 100's more a month for neater surroundings......I'm divided....The few I've discussed this with say to stay. That my ego is leading this, and that is partly true....I've got a good landlord, I'm comfortable, my neighbors are for the most part quiet, just messy, lol. And the extra rent I'd have to pay would mean cutting back on my shopping, and social outings. Although it would be doable, would moving be a reasonable decision? That is the question, that is my dilemma.....Time to think hard on this.....
On another note....
Through all my ups and downs, this quote is what I remember. It is it that reminds me that no matter how another sees or treats me, it won't invalidate me.
Quote-Let today be the day you stand strong in the truth of your beauty. Journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others.”-Steve Maraboli